I first published this on medium - on 9-March-2025 -- https://medium.com/@sandyshah1990/fighting-the-inner-demons-we-create-ourselvesdancing-with-my-inner-demons-a-journey-beyond-829dacca9f8f
I have always told myself that I am not a dancer, that I can’t dance. Not sure if it was ever really true, but it became something I just believed. I would never dance at parties — maybe once in a while during Garba, but nothing more than that.
As a kid, I do have this one image — I was in school, participating in a dance. I was way too small to remember much, but I know I was there. I was also part of the Lazim team during the Ganpati celebration. And then, there was another time in school when I wanted to dance, but in the first step of the audition, where we had to move our necks, I couldn’t do it properly (or at least that’s what I thought). Within less than a minute, I was sent back. Now, thinking back, I don’t know if that’s the moment that completely put me off dancing, but I know it played a big role.
It’s funny how childhood experiences shape our beliefs about ourselves. Just like how I thought I wasn’t good at GK because of a few early experiences, the same thing happened with dancing.
The GK Incident and Its Impact
It wasn’t just dance. In the same school, there was another moment that shaped me in ways I only realize when I started writing this post. One day, the teachers asked if anyone wanted to participate in a GK quiz. Like dance, I enthusiastically raised my hand — I wanted to try everything as a kid. So, another student and I were taken to the principal’s office. When we got there, teacher introduced me as “Sandeep” but introduced the other student as “ABC, son of EFD.” No other test or a word from me and I was sent back again.
I never really processed it back then, but now, as I write this, I see the connection. That moment might have played a big role in why I never really got into reading news or keeping up with political discussions. It’s strange how one small experience can ripple through your life without yu even realizing it.
The Positive Side: Computers and Coding
But not all experiences were limiting. The same school gave me my first exposure to computers. The teachers there encouraged us to experiment, and they even let me (specifically) spend extra hours in the computer lab. I would code (probably in some programming language like Logo or Turtle, God knows), explore different things, and, yes, also play Road Rash during those extra hours. But looking back, that freedom to explore helped me continue pursuing coding. If they had discouraged me, pushed me down, or restricted my time there, I might not have ended up as a data scientist today. I am forever grateful to my teachers. The ability to solve analytical puzzles and approach problems logically — those roots were planted right there in that school.
The Conscious Effort
This isn’t a story about me becoming a great dancer. It’s not one of those where I magically discover a hidden talent. But it is about the moment I decided to challenge this self-imposed belief.
At an office event, there was going to be a dance performance. It was decided few days before event and I joined the party just a day before. Coming back ome seeing my friends practice — I stumbled on some fortune telling video and that mentioned dancing and I was like lets go for it. So a day before I joined them and decided to participate in couple of short songs only. 90 seconds in total :). Also I don’t mind being laugh at — especially when I am trying something new and for myself. There was no stage fear and so one less thing to deal with. Friends were there to help me practice, guide me through the steps, and somehow, I did it. I danced.
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| the Dancing Group ! |
And then?
Nothing drastic happened. No huge emotional rush. No life-altering epiphany. Just a regular moment. The event ended, and everything felt… normal. I may participate in future but that’s it. The real story wasn’t about that moment — it was about everything that led to it.
The Journey is Where It Happens
This reminded me of my marathon journey. I didn’t feel an overwhelming rush of emotions after crossing the finish line. The transformation had already happened in the months of training — the days of struggle, the self-doubt, the small wins, and the persistence to keep going. The event itself? Just a checkpoint.
Dancing, for most people, is a small thing. But for me, because of my self-talk and past experiences, it had become my Mount Everest. Overcoming it wasn’t about the dance itself — it was about stepping out of my comfort zone, fighting my own mind, and proving to myself that I could do it.
We Create Our Own Barriers
We often let small moments in childhood turn into massive roadblocks in adulthood. A failed attempt, a teacher’s remark, or even our own overthinking can shape how we see ourselves. But the truth is, those are just stories we tell ourselves. And just like we created them, we can rewrite them.
This experience reminded me that real change doesn’t come from the final moment of crossing the line — it comes from the journey, the battle with our inner demons, and the willingness to take that first step, even if it’s just a small dance move.
